emperorofthedark:

Baby: They put me to sleep in the nursery, promising me that soon I would experience a new way of living.

Baby: When I woke up, there was only darkness.

Baby: For 3 days I waited, trapped in an impenetrable fortress of endless night.

Baby: Finally, on the third day, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel.

Baby: A tiny light, but light nonetheless.

Baby: Suddenly, an uncontrollable, unstoppable force began to push me toward the light. I had no choice but to confront it.

Baby: Somewhere on the other side of the darkness, I could hear screaming.

Baby: Finally, in a burst of confetti and terror, I emerged.

Baby: And so I gaze upon you for the first time, Father, the first born anal birth of a forever virgin, with disappointment.

Baby: I requested Pascal.